Does your family seem to bicker every Christmas? If so, you’re not alone at home on this one—but it doesn’t have to be this way, read this til the very end for 12 easy steps on how to not be a dick at Christmas guideline – the last one might surprise you!
As the world spins faster and divides deepen, it’s easy for that tension to sneak its way into every family gathering, including holiday celebrations.
Financial stress, high food prices, the collapsing housing market, mental health, and an overall sense of instability weigh on us. These aren’t just headline issues; they’re the quiet undercurrents that show up at the holiday table, creating friction even if we don’t mean to.
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Your goal is to find common interests.
It’s more than just clashing opinions or dietary preferences; it’s a complex web of emotions, history, and the unique challenges we each carry that can turn Christmas into a pressure cooker.
The holiday season is traditionally about warmth, nostalgia, and connection. It’s meant to bring us together, but sometimes those very traditions become battlegrounds for our differences.
It’s worth asking ourselves: what are we really trying to give each other this Christmas?
Beyond the presents and holiday routines, is connection being left out of the equation?
Imagine if, instead of trying to create the perfect holiday, we focused on creating a peaceful one. For families who already have food, shelter, and warmth, perhaps a heartfelt card or a donation to a food bank could be the most meaningful gift this season.
After all, many people are relying on food banks just to make it through.
With a little bit of psychic insight, and yes, even the guidance of tarot cards, you can navigate these tensions with grace, humor, and understanding.
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This year, let’s create an experience rooted in simplicity, understanding, and compassion.
As an internationally renowned psychic, I’ve seen firsthand how even a simple shift in perspective can bring harmony where there was once friction.
Are holiday gatherings really getting more tense? Explore the surprising reasons in this Guardian article.
Here are twelve major points of tension you might face this Christmas, with some tips on how you can not be a dick about each one:
12. Dietary Preferences and Restrictions
Gone are the days of a “one-size-fits-all” Christmas dinner. Now, there’s a vegan here, a keto devotee there, and someone else gluten-free.
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Practicing acceptance and adaptability. Prepare yourself for the variety, and make sure there’s something everyone can enjoy without judgment or fuss. Validate others’ choices instead of seeing them as obstacles.
Psychological Tool: Empathy Building
Approach each dietary need with curiosity rather than frustration. Ask yourself why their choice matters to them—it could be for health, ethical, or personal reasons. Recognizing others’ intentions can help you let go of judgment.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Temperance Card
This card represents balance, harmony, and patience. Meditate on it to bring adaptability and calm to the holiday table.
11. Political Opinions
Holiday gatherings often devolve into impromptu political debates that no one asked for. Especially this year.
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Keeping it civil is an understatement. If politics come up, steer toward respectful curiosity or change the subject entirely. Disengage while remaining present. Remember, holiday joy trumps political jabs (see what I did there? That was a test, I hope you passed!)
Psychological Tool: Mindful Listening
Practice active listening without planning a rebuttal. Try to hear what the other person values, and repeat back to them what values you heard, rather than just their stance. This often reveals common ground you can both appreciate. Your mission: Find common values.
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Tarot Card to Meditate On: Justice
Justice is about fairness, equality, and balance. It invites us to listen to all sides with an open mind, recognizing that everyone’s view is shaped by personal experience.
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10. Parenting Choices
Different views on raising kids can quickly become a point of contention, especially across generations.
Psychological Tool: Positive Reframing
Whenever you feel the urge to comment on someone’s parenting, shift your thoughts to what they’re doing right. Focusing on the positive in others can help bring warmth and respect to your interactions. Everyone’s anxiety filled about what other people think of them. When you see someone with their defenses up, champion their choices. You can vent how you really feel on the drive home like the rest of us.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Empress
The Empress symbolizes nurturing, empathy, and maternal wisdom. She reminds us to offer support rather than criticism and to appreciate the beauty in others’ choices.
Before you walk into any holiday arguments, check out these conflict-preventing tips to keep your Christmas calm
9. Religious or Cultural Differences
Not everyone at the table may celebrate Christmas, or they may have their own traditions and beliefs.
You can not be a dick by…
Respecting and showing interest in other traditions. Instead of expecting everyone to conform to your customs, consider asking questions about theirs, and repeat back to them their reply so they feel heard. Inclusion is the essence of holiday magic. It’s the theme of every holiday film you’ve ever watched. It’s time for you to step aside and play a supportive role in this instance instead of main character energy (keep reading to see when it’s best time for main character mode)
Psychological Tool: Perspective-Taking
Think about how you feel when your beliefs are respected and acknowledged. Then, extend that same courtesy to others. This small act of kindness creates a bridge between differences.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Hierophant
The Hierophant encourages respect for diverse spiritual beliefs and reminds us of the power of tradition, knowledge, and spiritual guidance.
Tough conversations ahead? This guide on handling holiday talk will keep things civil.
8. Gift-Giving Expectations
Gift-giving can be a sore spot, whether it’s the expectation to give big or the push for a “no-gifts” rule.
Personally, my rule is you only get a gift if you still shit your pants (kidding!) Seriously though, if someone’s basic human needs are met, write them a heartfelt card and give a gift to a stranger who may be struggling instead.
You can not be a dick by…
Embracing gratitude. Whether receiving a small gift or giving something simple, focus on the intention behind it. Acknowledge the gesture rather than the item itself. This is where that main character energy is needed; go for an Oscar worthy performance in pretending to be pleasantly surprised before re-gifting or donating it.
Psychological Tool: Practicing Gratitude
Before gathering, intently reflect on what you’re truly grateful for in each family member. This practice helps you accept any gift, big or small, with grace.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Six of Pentacles
This card represents generosity, gratitude, and balance in giving and receiving. Meditate on it to appreciate both the giving and receiving spirit of the holidays.
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7. Financial Strain
With rising prices everywhere, spending expectations can add a layer of stress. The friends and family who are struggling the most may be the ones who hide it the best.
You can not be a dick by…
Suggesting meaningful, free, or low-cost activities. Offer alternatives to gift-giving, like baking cookies, watching movies, or taking a walk. Embrace the simplicity of togetherness without financial pressure.
Psychological Tool: Intentional Presence
When finances feel tense, focus on the shared moments rather than material exchanges. This builds connection and reduces the holiday’s financial weight. As a hospice visiting volunteer the only thing anyone wants more of is time with family.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Four of Pentacles
The Four of Pentacles symbolizes security and mindfulness about resources. It reminds us to focus on the value of family and connection, not material wealth.
6. Immigration and Social Issues
In today’s interconnected world there’s no shortage of those feeling the effects of displacement. Mass immigration, societal issues, and cultural diversity can bring out both beauty and friction. Integration patience, empathy and understanding.
You can not be a dick by…
Avoiding divisive discussions if they don’t serve a positive purpose. Embrace curiosity over judgment, seeking to understand rather than to challenge. Imagine all the people living for today.. Channel John Lennon through these moments. Practice active listening instead of reaching for another ego biscuit.
Psychological Tool: Self-Awareness
When these issues arise, notice your own reaction. Are you holding tension? Is your response helping or hurting the situation? Awareness can help you guide conversations with empathy. If your objective is in wanting to right, you’re the one coming from the wrong place. I know you’re frozen, but let it go.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The World
This card represents global unity, understanding, and acceptance. It reminds us that everyone is part of a greater whole, with unique perspectives.
5. Alcohol and Sobriety Choices
Some celebrate with a toast, while others choose sobriety for personal reasons. Sobriety from alcohol is now trending with younger generations. The use of cannabis is more common place. Vaping is all the rage. Keep in mind, at one point in time Valium and Quaalude’s were acceptable household holiday helpers.
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Respecting anyone’s choice to abstain, or partake. Set up non-alcoholic options, and avoid making assumptions. Creating an inclusive environment benefits everyone. Shame is fuel for addiction. Accept the things you cannot change, and allow others to come to their own conclusions and do what makes them feel comfortable for this moment.
Psychological Tool: Inclusion Practice
Treat everyone as an equal participant, regardless of whether they drink, smoke, or vape some cotton candy flavored glycol product. This small shift in perspective can bring genuine connection and ease. If someone goes on a little Alcoholiday, perhaps they were feeling overwhelmed to begin with, show them support instead of frustration and leave any discussions for the following day.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Temperance Card
Temperance is about balance, moderation, and harmony. It reminds us to respect personal choices and maintain inner calm.
4. Family Dynamics and Old Grudges
Old grievances often resurface, turning holiday gatherings into battlegrounds of unresolved tension.
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Leaving the past behind and focusing on the present. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, if you have tension with someone this is the time of year to be brave for 30 seconds, bury the hatchet and tell them you love them – be patient with their response and practice active listening to make them feel validated. This is the classic recipe for a true Christmas miracle. Disengage from drama.
Psychological Tool: Practicing Forgiveness
Visualize yourself releasing past grudges, focusing on the connection you wish to cultivate now. This can be a powerful way to disarm lingering negativity. My favorite audio book for this is “Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss”. If you’re reading this far and feel like this applies to a potential situation ahead, listen to this book immediately.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Death Card
Often misunderstood, the Death card represents transformation and release. It reminds us to let go of old patterns to make room for renewal.
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3. Traditions vs. New Ideas
Some want to keep holiday traditions untouched, while others want to mix things up. This is the epitome of plotlines for Christmas films.
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Finding a balance between honoring old traditions and welcoming new ideas. Perhaps alternate each year or blend traditions so everyone feels included. At the end of your life it’s not the traditions you’ll look back on, its the emotions they evoke and family they bring together.
Psychological Tool: Flexibility Practice
Remind yourself that traditions are symbols of connection, not strict rules. Being open to change helps you embrace everyone’s wishes. Absolutely everything in life is temporary, nothing is fixed. Traditions are like hand-me down clothes, they will get repurposed in ways that work for the current needs.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Wheel of Fortune
This card represents cycles, change, and adaptability. Meditate on it to remind yourself that life is about blending old and new.
2. Generational Differences
Young and old often clash on what’s acceptable or expected at holiday gatherings.
You can not be a dick by…
Respecting each person’s unique perspective, regardless of age. Instead of challenging their ideas, seek to learn from their experience.
Psychological Tool: Active Curiosity
Ask open-ended questions and really listen to responses. Generational wisdom across the spectrum can add depth and insight, and this approach reduces tension by fostering understanding. We don’t get to bring money to the grave, we’re all here to learn from one another – be open.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Hermit
The Hermit symbolizes wisdom, reflection, and introspection. It encourages you to respect each person’s journey and life experiences.
1. Holiday Stress and Mental Health
Holiday pressure can take a toll on mental health, and some may be struggling beneath the surface.
You can not be a dick by…
Practicing patience and offering emotional support. If someone seems down or overwhelmed, be a compassionate listener and avoid pressuring them to “put on a happy face, and on the flip side, if someone has visibly increased their dose of anti-depressants be gentle with them. Remind them of their strengths, or bring up something you learned from them.
Psychological Tool: Compassionate Grounding
When family stress runs high, take deep breaths, ground yourself, go for a literal walk around the block. Visualize calm, and send warm energy to those who may be struggling. Personally, in a card I’ll write “Something I learned about love from you is…”, it sounds cheesy, but those words give that person more strength than you can imagine long after the holidays have ended.
Tarot Card to Meditate On: The Star
The Star symbolizes hope, healing, and inner peace. Meditate on it to bring calm to your energy and extend compassion to others
Let’s Make This Christmas Different
This year, let’s create a holiday that’s truly about connection, not perfection.
Like the Grinch’s heart growing three sizes or Scrooge learning to embrace joy over greed, we can all pause to rediscover what truly matters.
The best gift we can give each other is a peaceful holiday filled with compassion, simplicity, and warmth.
The holiday season doesn’t have to be a battlefield – and if it is, choose your battles wisely, disengage if necessary, but I urge you to practice asking more open ended questions to find common values. With a little extra patience and understanding, it can be exactly what it was always meant to be—a time to simply be together.
