Navigating Loneliness: Beyond Self-Love to Genuine Connection
The threads of loneliness and disconnection weave tightly through the fabric of our current lives. Relationships are failing, people are being ghosted, marriages are breaking apart, and families are drifting into emotional dissonance.
I see it everywhere—in my work as a psychic medium, in my friends, my clients, and even in my own family.
Recently, my mom faced a terrifying health scare. She was hospitalized with sepsis—a moment that should have brought our family closer. My sister shouldered the weight of care, showing incredible strength and dedication, while my other siblings offered unwavering support during her time in the hospital.
In the immediate shadow of this emergency, as life resumed its relentless pace – something shifted.
In the aftermath, when my mom needed the simple comfort of hearing her children’s voices to lift her spirits, the calls ceased.
It wasn’t out of malice—everyone was busy, overwhelmed by the responsibilities of surviving our own lives, and perhaps unintentionally influenced by the modern emphasis on setting boundaries.
Sometimes, though, boundaries drawn too tightly can leave us unintentionally disconnected, missing opportunities to offer simple but meaningful support.
Fun fact: Moms don’t call to annoy you—they call because hearing their child need them, even in the smallest way, brings them comfort and soothes their heart. This scene from Little Fires Everywhere sums it up
Ever feel like your conversations turn into battles? Learn the art of negotiation to bring harmony into your life and relationships here
When did this become normal?
This isn’t unique to my family—it’s part of a larger “loneliness epidemic.” The modern world has traded meaningful connection for convenience.
The world feels heavier than ever—skyrocketing grocery prices, an unreachable housing market, and endless responsibilities that pull us in a million directions. And somewhere along the way, basic human decency—the willingness to pick up the phone and truly connect—got lost.
Why does answering a phone call feel so daunting these days? Psychologists weigh in on the modern epidemic of phone anxiety here
Phone calls have become rare, replaced by texts that go unanswered.
Important people in our lives are left on read, fostering feelings of rejection and deepening an invisible divide. It’s not just about love for others or even self-love—it’s about reconnection, to ourselves, to each other, and to the moment.
Did you know the U.S. Surgeon General has declared social disconnection a public health crisis? Explore the alarming data and what it means for our future here
The Myth of “Loving Yourself” as a Cure-All
“Just love yourself more” is often peddled as the solution for loneliness.
Let me be clear—loving yourself is important. But telling someone drowning in loneliness to just “love themselves” is like handing them a bucket in the middle of a flood. It’s oversimplified, dismissive, and ultimately unhelpful.
Does loving yourself mean what you think it does? Learn how self-love can be a transformative but misunderstood tool here.
Can self-love alone really fill the void?
Sure, it’s a foundation, but no one thrives in isolation. Human connection is essential, and somewhere along the way, we’ve lost the courage to reach out, to pick up the phone, to deeply listen without distraction.
Are you putting too much pressure on yourself to be happy? To be whole? And—perhaps the biggest question of all—do you believe you need someone else to complete you? Maybe it’s time to ask: What are you actually seeking?
Heartbreak can feel like the end, but it doesn’t have to be. Discover practical tools and insights to heal and grow after a breakup here.
My Experiment with Reconnection: A Window for Spirit
If you’ve ever dated in the digital age, you’ll know how dehumanizing it can feel.
The human mating ritual has been reduced to sitting on the toilet, swiping left or right, collecting “ego biscuits” as validation for your attractiveness and shockingly finding only surface-level connections..
I know—I’ve been there.
For a while, I played the game. I even set timers on my phone to delete dating apps after three days, thinking that by limiting my time, I’d increase my chances of finding something real. And while it worked in terms of attention, it never secured anything meaningful.
What if your greatest growth came from facing your darkest parts? Illuminate your shadow side with intuition and self-awareness here
I realized I wasn’t leaving room for anything real—not even for myself.
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon a seemingly throwaway mantra—“leave a window open for spirit”—that things began to shift.
At first, I dismissed it as metaphysical fluff, the kind of thing you’d hear at a suburban Tupperware party. But then it hit me: I wasn’t leaving space in my life for anything authentic to flow in.
So, I made a radical decision. I set a timer for three months (yes, another timer!), during which I cut out all my vices: no coffee (I switched to green tea), no alcohol, and no social media None.
At first, it was hell.
I’d wake up wanting to scroll through something, anything, to get that dopamine hit. But instead, I forced myself to brew a pot of tea, pack it into a thermos, and walk—rain or shine—to a quiet spot where I could sit and simply be. And I am not a morning person.
But something surprising happened. Slowly, I started to find stillness. I wasn’t filling my time for the sake of it anymore. I began going to the gym—not to look better, but to feel better. I strengthened the fire within me, building a home inside myself.
By the time those three months were up, I was no longer searching for someone to complete me. I didn’t need a partner—I was whole.
When my timer for those three months went off, the first date I went on was with my now-husband.
By then, I didn’t need anyone to complete me—I just wanted to genuinely know him, and I consider it an honor to bear witness his life every day. That shift in perspective made all the difference. Surprisingly, he doesn’t drink coffee, rarely if ever alcohol, is not on social media, and as a culinary master has an appreciation for use of a timer – go figure.
Why does loneliness seem to be everywhere these days? From frequent moves to fewer community ties, the factors fueling this epidemic are explored in detail here.
What Can We Do to Heal?
The solution to loneliness goes beyond self-help clichés. It starts with action—small but intentional steps. Here are some ideas:
- Pick Up the Phone (Yes, you!)
Texts are easy, but calls are connective. Reach out to someone you care about, even if it’s just to ask how their day went. Listening without judgment is a radical act of love. I challenge you to ask at least 5 open-ended questions during this call. - Set a Timer for Stillness
Create a practice of silence. No scrolling, no tasks—just sit with yourself and observe your thoughts. It’s uncomfortable at first, but it’s transformative. Technically this is meditation, and the goal is to empty your mind, good luck! I found the best trick is to do a 4 count breath. - Release the Need for Comparison
Stop measuring your success against others. We’re all struggling in different ways, and comparison only deepens the divide. You are right where you need to be. - Prioritize Depth Over Surface
Whether in relationships, friendships, or casual connections, strive for substance. Ask meaningful questions. Truly listen. You might be surprised by how people open up. This is the basis for dating, why stop after putting a ring on it? Schedule a date night to listen to one another. - Open Your Window for Spirit
Make space for the unexpected. Whether you call it spirit, the universe, or simple mindfulness, clearing your mental clutter allows new opportunities to flow in.
What does loneliness really do to the mind? From its roots to its effects, dive into the psychology of loneliness here.
A Final Thought
We are living in a time where disconnection feels inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be this way. By making small, intentional changes, we can begin to rebuild the connections that truly matter.
It’s not just about self-love; it’s about love in action.
So, I’ll leave you with this: Who in your life needs to hear your voice today? Who might be feeling discarded, unseen, or left on read? Pick up the phone. Open that window for spirit. And above all, remember—you’re not alone in feeling alone.
Share this with someone who might need it. Let’s start a ripple of reconnection, one meaningful moment at a time.
Curious about how a reading works? Learn what to expect and how to prepare for a transformative session here.
