Finding Grace in Grief: Navigating the Holidays with a Missing Loved One
The holiday season, often a time of warmth and joy, can be an especially challenging period when someone you love is no longer there.
You may find yourself wondering, How do I get through the holidays without them? How do I find joy in a season that highlights everything I’ve lost?
If this resonates, know that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel this way.
For a thoughtful guide on managing the waves of grief this time of year, consider reading this article on facing grief and loss during the holidays.
The First Three Years of Grieving Through the Holidays
Grief during the holidays is a unique journey, often unfolding differently over the first few years. Here’s what you might expect:
- Year One: A Time of Raw Surrealness
The first holiday season without a loved one can feel surreal, almost as if the loss isn’t entirely real. Memories of them flood into every tradition, song, and scent, making their absence even more pronounced. It’s natural to feel like you’re waiting for them to walk through the door at any moment. Explore more on coping with grief during Christmas here or dive deeper into finding peace with this article on moving forward after a loss. - Year Two: The Quiet Weight of Absence
During the second holiday season, you may find yourself more aware of the permanence of their absence, realizing that this is not a temporary chapter. You may feel quieter, perhaps more introspective, as the weight of your grief settles differently. - Year Three Onward: Learning to Integrate Joy and Grief
By the third holiday season, you may begin to find strength in a new way. While the sadness still lingers, you may find that you’re able to feel moments of happiness and warmth, even as you carry the memory of your loved one with you. This article offers insights into finding balance in these tough times.
12 Helpful Tips for Managing Grief and Loss During the Holiday Season
- Acknowledge Your Vulnerability:
During the holidays, emotions are likely to feel heightened, and it’s natural to feel extra sensitive or vulnerable. Recognize that this is a challenging time and give yourself permission to feel as you do. - Be Prepared for Mood Swings:
Your mood may change unpredictably, sometimes from one moment to the next. Embrace this as a normal part of grieving and let yourself experience the ups and downs without judgment. - Expect Changes in Social Needs:
You might feel like being around people one minute, then need solitude the next. Be kind to yourself and allow your social needs to ebb and flow as they will. - Accept Variations in Sleep and Appetite:
During this time, your usual routines may feel disrupted. It’s common for sleep and eating habits to shift when you’re grieving. Be gentle with yourself and, if possible, nourish your body as best you can. - Communicate Your Needs to Others:
Friends and family may not always know how to support you. Some may try to cheer you up, while others may give you space. Don’t hesitate to communicate what you need, whether it’s company, a listening ear, or time alone. - Allow Yourself to Cry:
If you feel tears coming on, let them flow. Grieving is a healing process, and crying can be a powerful release that brings a sense of relief. - Recognize Complex Emotions:
Grief can stir up a mix of emotions. You might feel sadness, anger, or even resentment. It’s normal to feel upset, sometimes even at the person you’ve lost. Acknowledge these feelings and let them be part of your process. See this medium’s tips on understanding grief. - Know You Don’t Have to Participate:
Don’t feel pressured to attend holiday events if you don’t feel up to it. Declining invitations or opting out is perfectly okay—grieving doesn’t follow anyone else’s timetable. The Washington Post discusses choosing what’s best for your mental health during the holidays. - Move Your Body for Your Mind:
Physical activity, even a simple walk, can be a healthy way to release some tension and refocus your mind. Exercise can be a gentle, positive outlet during a difficult time. - Reach Out When You Need Support:
Talking about your loss can help ease the burden. Reach out to those you trust, whether friends, family, or a support group, when you need to talk through your feelings. Learn more about how to strengthen your own intuitive support. - Trust That Relief Will Come with Time:
Grief doesn’t vanish overnight, but over time, the intense sadness does tend to ease. Give yourself grace through this journey, knowing that brighter days will gradually return. - Create New Traditions That Honor Your Loved One:
Consider creating small, meaningful traditions that celebrate your loved one’s memory. Whether lighting a candle in their honor, setting aside a few minutes for reflection, or sharing stories about them, these traditions can help keep their presence alive in a comforting way. By weaving their memory into new holiday rituals, you create a personal way to feel connected to them and transform grief into a gentle act of remembrance.
Permission to Take Care of Yourself
You don’t have to force yourself into holiday celebrations if it doesn’t feel right. Declining invitations or opting out of gatherings is a valid choice. You aren’t obligated to put on a brave face or pretend to celebrate when you’re not in that space emotionally.
Giving yourself permission to sit this one out can be an important step in honoring your grief and taking care of yourself.
Consider incorporating gentle exercise into your routine. It can help release some of the built-up tension, offer a healthy distraction, and provide a sense of mental clarity. Exercise doesn’t erase the sadness, but it’s a way to face it in a way that honors your body and mind.
Salt water heals all.
Tears, sweat and salt water baths are all conduits of emotional healing. Immersing yourself in salt water will neutralize your emotions, and give your nervous system a sense of genuine tranquility. Personally I love the shock of jumping in the frigid waters of the Canadian ocean, I call it the full-factory reset.
If you need someone to talk to about the loss, reach out
Connecting with family, friends, or a support group can help you feel understood, giving your grief the space it deserves. Remember, leaning on others isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a step toward healing. If you’re ready for deeper guidance, learn what to expect from a reading with me here.
Turning Grief into Acts of Service
One of the most healing ways to work through grief is to transform it into acts of kindness. Consider volunteering with people who need support, whether at a shelter, a food drive, or with an organization close to your heart.
Helping others with acts of selfless service, especially during the holidays, creates a sense of connection and fulfillment that can be incredibly healing. In giving, we can begin to fill some of the emotional void left by our loss.
Knowing They Are Still With You
Even though they’re no longer physically present, it’s natural to feel that your loved one is still with you in spirit.
Just because you can’t see or hear them doesn’t mean they aren’t close.
They live on in every story, every cherished memory, and every comforting thought that surfaces. Their love remains, reminding us to be brave, to go on living fully, and to cherish those still with us. Curious about the ways our loved ones visit in dreams? Discover more here.
Lean Into Connection with Others
As a hospice volunteer, I see firsthand how important it is to support each other.
The holiday season can serve as a reminder of our shared humanity—of the strength that comes when we put aside our differences, let go of ego, and simply be present for each other. Each of us carries our own struggles, and we all benefit from kindness and understanding.
A Personal Story of Love and Presence
When I first met my husband, I knew his mother had passed, even before he told me. That Christmas, he insisted his dad put up lights and get a tree, knowing I’d be visiting.
They hadn’t decorated for Christmas since she passed, and the weight of that choice was clear.
On Christmas Eve, we found the tree bare in the living room, a quiet symbol of their grief.
We pulled down the old boxes, and I handed them ornaments, one by one, asking them to share stories about her.
With each story, the mood lifted, and her loving spirit filled the room, as if she were there laughing and reminiscing with us. It took welcoming an unbiased person into their space during a holiday to evoke those stories.
When people say that loved ones live on in our memories, it’s an invitation to feel their love again. Lean into those memories. Allow them to comfort you, transforming residual sadness into warmth – which, as a psychic medium, is what connecting with heaven feels like. (yes, really.)
In celebrating their life and the love they gave, we keep their presence with us.
Lean Into Love, Connection, and Self-Care
This holiday season, lean into the memories that bring you comfort.
Take care of yourself, seek support when you need it, and let others know they are cherished. In embracing love and honoring those who are no longer with us, we create a season filled with meaning, even if it looks different than it once did.
