How Maternal Love Redefines Identity Through Change and Loss
Motherhood is never static, it shifts, and beneath the role of “Mom” is still you.
As a full-time psychic medium, hospice volunteer, and bereavement counselor, I’ve spent years sitting with mothers at their most vulnerable, those who have lost children, those who have longed for them, and those whose homes are growing quieter with time.
Different experiences, yet they share a common ache: absence.
I rarely get to indulge in television, but when I did watch Little Fires Everywhere, a line by Celeste Ng cut straight to the marrow of this truth:
“It was like training yourself to live on the smell of an apple alone, when what you really wanted was to devour it, to sink your teeth into it and consume it, seeds, core, and all.”
That bittersweet shift from closeness to distance opened my heart to the parallels between grief and motherhood.
As someone who doesn’t have ovaries myself, I rely on lived experiences and conversations to understand this ache more fully.
Which is why I turned to my friend Brittany “Britt” Anderson, host of The Mom Sweat Sanity Podcast, leader of The MOMentum Collective, accountability coach, and mother of three.
Here, she teaches us that even when circumstances change, whether through independence, loss, or longing, the essence of maternal love continues to flow.
Discover more of Britt’s journey in her own words at brittanderson.com/about
Read this until the end.
How Does a Mother’s Identity Shift as Children Become Independent?
Losing the daily duties doesn’t erase you, it reveals you.
When I asked Britt how her sense of self changed as her children grew more independent, she didn’t hesitate to speak from experience.
“It’s a process that you don’t notice right away, especially with the first. For so long, my identity was tied to being ‘Mom,’ the one scheduling, cheering, driving, organizing.”
She added, “When that starts to shift, you realize that having a sense of self outside that title isn’t just a nice thing, it’s a necessity.
What’s left underneath isn’t empty, it’s me, Brittany, who still had dreams, ambitions, and passions.”
Her words struck me as something larger than her personal story, they echo a truth many mothers quietly wrestle with: who am I when the daily tasks are gone?
It reminded me of a card in tarot called the High Priestess.
She isn’t about being mysterious so much as she is about the self that lives beneath the surface, the part of us that knows who we are when everything else is stripped away.
Like she describes, when the outer roles fall away, what remains isn’t a void but a deeper wisdom that was always there, waiting to be trusted.
See how she helps women reclaim identity through coaching
What Does Empty Nest Grief Really Feel Like?
Pride and pain coexist, and the silence can be deafening.
You can feel the difference when a home grows quieter. Britt didn’t sugarcoat that reality.
“It is amazing the large void that occurs when even one of my kids is no longer under the roof. There are so many emotions, love, grief, pride, and gratitude all at once. I cry one minute and beam with pride the next. The silence is loud.”
She also admitted how easy it is to drown that ache in distraction.
“September, Septembered HARD. Every free space filled with work, workouts, travel, projects… until I realized I wasn’t actually feeling, I was numbing. Now I try to give myself more room to sit with the change, to podcast, to journal, to walk without headphones, to be with my thoughts.”
Her honesty reminded me of what the Moon represents in tarot.
Not prediction or fortune-telling, but the lived experience of walking through uncertainty, sitting with shadows, and letting discomfort teach you.
The Moon suggests that not every ache is meant to be solved immediately.
Some are meant to be felt, acknowledged, and slowly carried forward, just as Britt describes.
For mothers learning to trust their inner voice again, explore How Tarot Strengthens Intuition, Even If You Don’t Believe in It
Does Motherhood Ever Really Let Go of You?
No matter the season, motherhood doesn’t end, it transforms.
There are moments in my work with grieving parents when I’ve wondered aloud: does motherhood ever really end?
The answer I’ve heard, again and again, is no, it changes shape, but it never disappears.
That thought was on my mind when I asked Brittany the same question.
Her answer carried no hesitation.
“It never lets you go. It’s like a season, always changing. I’m still a mom whether they are under my roof or not, but now I parent with more trust and space.”
Her words reminded me of a tarot card called the Six of Cups.
It’s a card filled with nostalgia and memory, a sweetness that lingers even when life moves forward.
The love that was poured into earlier seasons doesn’t vanish, it remains alive in memory, it carries forward, and it nourishes the bond in new forms.
Britt spoke of that truth not as an idea, but as something lived.
Listen in and connect with her community on Mom Sweat Sanity
Where Does Maternal Love Go When It Can’t Land on a Child?
Love doesn’t vanish; it stretches into new places.
My heart is with every mother whose love has no place to land, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, or the unimaginable ache of losing a child.
In my work, I’ve witnessed how that love never disappears.
It searches for somewhere to go, somewhere to live.
That was on my mind as I asked Britt where her maternal energy flows now that her children need her less at home.
Her answer was gentle but full of strength.
“That energy lives in the spaces of connection I create: in my family, my marriage, my friendships, and the communities I lead. It doesn’t sit still, but it no longer feels restless; it feels expansive. I’ve learned that maternal love isn’t meant to shrink when my kids need me less, it’s meant to stretch, to reach into new places.”
Her words carried the essence of a tarot card called the Queen of Cups.
She’s a symbol of deep emotional generosity, reminding us that love can be redirected to flow into community, creativity, friendships, even back into ourselves.
Maternal love doesn’t diminish when its first home changes; it multiplies, expanding to fill the spaces that need it most.
If you’re carrying the weight of what-ifs, you may find comfort in Grief Isn’t Linear, And It Rarely Looks How We Expect It To
Find comfort and guidance for grieving parents at mygriefandloss.org
How Is Empty Nest Syndrome Similar to Infertility or Child Loss?
Different circumstances, shared ache: longing, absence, and identity.
You know absence can take many shapes, whether through infertility, miscarriage, child loss, or simply the shift of children leaving home.
The circumstances differ, but the ache often sounds the same: longing for what was, or what could have been, and wondering, what now?
Britt hasn’t personally walked through infertility or loss, but her compassion was evident when I asked her about the parallels.
“What I do see as a parallel,” she began carefully, “is the ache of transition, that deep longing for what was, or what could have been.”
She paused before continuing, “And the disorientation of asking ‘what now?’ Both experiences carry a redefining of identity and purpose.”
Then she spoke words I believe every grieving mother deserves to hear:
“Your pain is real, and it does not need to be compared to anyone else’s to be worthy of healing.”
When I asked how love continues after the loss of a child, her voice softened even more.
“I believe it can live in honoring their child, through speaking their name, through living in a way that reflects the love you still carry.”
Her answer brought to mind a card in tarot called the Page of Cups.
It represents the tenderness of children, their innocence, their sweetness, and the small symbols that remind us they’re still present, even if no longer here in body.
Like the Page of Cups, Britt’s reflection shows us that love can remain alive, finding ways to honor and remember.
Explore how others navigate life after children with The Guardian’s take on empty nest syndrome
For moms facing life shifts and uncertain futures, see 7 Ways Tarot Can Help You Make Life-Changing Decisions
Can Women Without Children Still Hold Sacred Maternal Love?
Mothering energy is whole, sacred, and belongs, even without children.
You may not have children of your own, but that doesn’t make your love or nurturing energy any less sacred.
It’s a truth I see often in my work, that maternal spirit isn’t bound to biology, but is something far deeper, something lived.
When I asked Britt if women without children can still carry maternal love, her answer was grounding.
“Her love is still whole,” she said gently, “even if it doesn’t have a child to land on.”
She continued, “That mothering energy is a part of who she is, and it can live in so many places: in the way she shows up for friends, in the way she pours into her work or passions, in the way she loves herself.”
And then came her reminder, steady and clear: “Not having a child doesn’t make that love less real or less valuable. It’s still sacred, and it still belongs.”
Her words carry the spirit of maternal abundance itself, the archetype of nurture, creation, and life-giving energy that isn’t limited to raising children.
To embody this energy is to recognize that love can bloom in friendships, in work, in art, in the way you tend to yourself.
It’s an invitation to see motherhood not only as a role, but as a force that can live within every woman who carries it.
When love feels entangled with loss, you may connect to Mistaking Codependency for Love: Insights from a Psychic
How Can Mothers Redirect Care Toward Themselves?
Sometimes the most radical act is needing yourself again.
You may know the rhythm of being needed for every little thing, tying shoes, packing lunches, keeping the household moving.
But when that rhythm fades, the question rises: what does it mean to still be needed, and by whom?
For Britt, this has been one of the biggest shifts.
“It’s been about shifting from being needed for the little, everyday things to being valued for the deeper presence I bring,” she explained.
“My kids may not need me to tie their skates or do their hair anymore, but they still need my support, love, and belief in them.”
Then her reply softened, turning inward.
“At the same time, this season is an invitation to need myself again, to prioritize the woman I am beyond motherhood and let her take up space.”
What she discovered surprised even her.
“The most surprising place I’ve found my nurturing instincts flourishing is in my own ambition, my own goals and dreams.”
There’s a quiet wisdom in what Britt describes, the kind that comes when you finally listen to the voice beneath the noise of daily duties.
It’s the energy of reclaiming your inner life, of trusting the stillness within, and recognizing that your own dreams carry as much worth as the ones you’ve nurtured in others.
For mothers searching for purpose beyond the role of “Mom,” read How to Navigate a Career Change & Connect to Your Life Purpose
What Daily Rituals Can Anchor Mothers Through Change?
Grounding comes from the little luxuries and everyday rhythms.
Grounding often comes not from grand gestures, but from the small rituals that make you feel like yourself again.
For Britt, those rituals are non-negotiable.
“One small luxury I allow myself? A massage, unapologetically!” she laughed.
“And my workout is NON-NEGOTIABLE. It keeps me grounded, clear-headed, and more patient. Let’s just say it, it makes me a nicer human.”
Music carries her, too. “Anything Country… like country country,” she added with a grin, “or a good 90’s throwback when I want nostalgia and joy.”
Her words are a reminder that rituals don’t have to be elaborate.
It’s the kind of wisdom that feels a little like a country song, simple, steady, and true.
I thought of George Strait’s words: “Life’s not the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.”
Sometimes they’re simply the things that bring you back into your body, make you laugh, or reconnect you with the parts of yourself that feel most alive.
What Truth Do Mothers Carry Even in Their Strongest Seasons?
Doubt never leaves, but presence can outweigh perfection.
Doubt never really leaves, even in the brightest chapters, but sometimes presence is worth more than perfection.
Britt shared a truth she admitted she rarely says aloud.
“There are days I wonder if I’ve done enough,” she confessed. “If I’ve been present enough, patient enough, loving enough. That question never fully leaves…”
Her voice steadied as she continued, “But I’ve learned to let it push me toward presence rather than perfection.”
For Britt, that’s what presence means. Not flawless performance, but showing up fully in the moments that matter most.
Final Thoughts: What Can Grieving Mothers Take From This?
Grief changes love’s direction, but never its existence.
Grief changes love’s direction, but never its existence.
From my work with grieving parents to Britt’s reflections as a mother, the parallels are undeniable. Whether through empty nests, infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a child, the lessons are the same:
Identity remains beneath the title of “Mom.”
Silence, though painful, can become a teacher.
Maternal love never disappears; it expands.
Grief is not meant to be compared, it is meant to be honored.
Caring for oneself is not selfish; it is sacred.
Tarot, for those unfamiliar, often serves as a mirror to these truths:
The Empress affirms that love and nurture continue in all forms.
The High Priestess reminds us to trust the wisdom within.
The Moon acknowledges grief’s shadows while guiding us through.
The Page of Cups embodies tenderness, memory, and the innocence of children.
The Six of Cups offers nostalgia, showing how love from earlier seasons remains alive in memory.
Britt captured this beautifully when she said: “It feels like a river, always moving, sometimes rushing, sometimes calm, but always flowing forward.”
And so does the maternal spirit.
Thank you for reading this far, for holding space with me in words that are not always easy, but always necessary. And a heartfelt thank you to Brittany Anderson, for her candor, her compassion, and the way she continues to bring depth and healing into conversations that matter most.
If you’d like to connect more with Britt, you can find her on Instagram at @brittanyandersoncoaching.
See how she helps women reclaim identity through coaching
Listen in and connect with her community on Mom Sweat Sanity
Her insights, humor, and honesty continue to create space for mothers navigating change, grief, and rediscovery.
Wondering what a session with me feels like? Here’s what to expect
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About Chris Bennett, The Tarot Medium
Chris Bennett is a full-time professional psychic medium and tarot reader based in Canada, widely regarded as one of the best psychic mediums and tarot readers in the world. Known for accurate tarot readings, compassionate mediumship, and insightful spiritual writing, Chris has become a trusted voice for those navigating grief, love, and life transitions. His work is recognized across Canada (Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal), the United States (New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami), the United Kingdom (London, Manchester, Birmingham, Edinburgh), and Australia (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth).
With more than 275 five-star reviews, a thriving blog often described as one of the best psychic blogs online, and an international reputation as both an evidential medium and intuitive teacher, Chris blends clarity, empathy, and deep spiritual wisdom. He also volunteers in hospice and bereavement counseling, where his experiences with grieving families continue to shape his voice and mission.
Through The Tarot Medium, Chris offers online psychic readings, evidential mediumship sessions, and tarot guidance that clients call genuine, accurate, and life-changing—making him one of the most sought-after psychic mediums in Canada, the USA, the UK, and Australia.
